Train Up a Child

My mom was a huge fan of making me memorize scripture. Verses. Chapters. She was all about it. And it wasn’t enough to memorize those verses. I had to recite them “like flowing water.”

I hated it.

The words never made sense. They meant nothing to me. But I had to know them so well, as if I wrote them myself. And to make matters worse, I had to recite them in public, or God forbid, to my mom.

Did I mention that I hated it? Because I did. I hated it.

But something happened to me. Over the years of learning and reciting, those scriptures were planted deep inside my soul. And they would grow to become safe places for me to run and hide in when the world became too scary or too much to bear.

Here’s a perfect example of what I mean:

When I was 12 years old or so, my pastor gave an assignment to all of the youth of our church: memorize and recite Romans 8. No one was more excited about this project than my mother. And I knew that for the next few weeks, memorizing this chapter would become the most important thing I would do. When it was time to recite the chapter, I said it like flowing water. I said it without a single mistake, finishing it long before anyone else had. I was proud of myself, but only because I finished first, not because I understood or liked what I had just said.

Cut to me many years later and the realization that not only is Romans 8 an important chapter – it’s my favorite chapter in the entire Bible. From verse 1 to verse 39, it is the story of unconditional love and unending grace. When I forget my way or who I am, that’s the chapter I run to for comfort and a wonderful reminder.

All this to say that the things we learn when we’re younger about faith, love, grace, beliefs, values… learning them seems like such a hassle because we don’t understand the significance of any of them. But when we get older, like a light turned on in a dark room, everything begins to make sense. It’s true what the scripture says: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Earlier this evening, something happened that could’ve broken me. In fact, a few years ago, it would have. But instead of falling apart, I exercised (I KNOW!!) so I could relieve stress, and as I exercised, I remembered verses. “Hold on,” they reminded me. “Just hold on.”

Hold tight to the beliefs and faith you learned when you were young. You’ll use them as a haven more often than you know.

And on we go…

Be Extraordinary

extraordinary |ikˈstrôrdnˌerē, ˌekstrəˈôrdn-|

adjective

very unusual or remarkable

It’s my favorite word in the entire English language. You can’t abuse this word like people have with the words “awesome” or “amazing.” “Extraordinary” is reserved to describe things that are beyond the typical adjectives. It’s a mouthful to say, so when you use it, it’s because you’ve just witnessed something special. Something that will stay with you long after you’ve seen it. Something that reverberates within your spirit even after your eyesight has dimmed and age has advanced.

I woke up this Sunday morning with this thought: “I want to be a part of something extraordinary.” For years now, I’ve been on a search for something that goes beyond ‘the expected.’ Whether it’s my job or my church, I’ve wanted to have a role in something that has a “big picture” ripple effect on the world. But it hasn’t happened yet. Oh, there have been moments of hope. There have been moments where I thought, “Oh, this is good. This is going somewhere.” But it’s always ended in disappointment. And so I get frustrated and angry because nothing changes. The extraordinary is not happening in my life.

And almost immediately, I had the answer to my conundrum. It’s not that I should be A PART of something extraordinary. No. I need to be the extraordinary. I need to be someone “unusual” and “remarkable” in an ordinary situation. For each day that I have life, I have an opportunity to be more than I already am. I have the chance to be better than who I am right now.

We all do.

You may not be where you want to be. You may not be doing what you want to do. But remember: when you are faithful over a few things, you’ll be made a ruler over many things. (Matthew 25:23) So know this: you’re wasting precious time by giving a mediocre effort. Perhaps, my dear friend, you’re in this place not because you’re waiting on God. God is waiting on YOU.

Life is short. Be extraordinary.

And on we go…

Putting the Puzzle Together

In an effort to give my brain a break from thinking about tenure applications, article revisions, and class preps, I spent this week working on a puzzle.

I love puzzles. They help me relax, and my brain gets to work out the knots and problems of the past few months. And this week’s puzzle led me to this week’s lesson.

Your life is made up of singular moments. Every relationship, every choice – it’s all a part of you. The struggle, though, is figuring out where and how each piece fits.

As I worked on my puzzle, I realized that the only way to get it done was to have a strategy. Pick a certain area to focus on, find the pieces that match, and put them together. It actually helps me to see the bigger picture better and I can pick up on details that I wouldn’t have noticed had I tried to do the entire puzzle all at once.

When I think about my life, I have a tendency to overanalyze because I spend so much time overthinking. Rather than focusing on one issue, one problem, or one relationship at a time, I look at them all simultaneously and then feel overwhelmed. It’s as if I’m drowning in puzzle pieces. How can I possibly put anything together if I can’t distinguish one piece from another?

This is key. Some relationships are meant for certain times. Some issues are meant to teach you certain lessons. And as you figure out where those pieces belong, what you’ll realize is, you’re actually figuring out who you are and where you belong.

And then, you end up with a completed puzzle of yourself. Or a completed Taj Mahal, depending on what you’re working on.

And on we go…

Beware the Jolt

I owe you an explanation.

Over the course of the past year, I’ve had multiple topic ideas, all worthy of a blog entry but none getting the effort they deserved. Instead, those ideas have been swimming in my head and they’ve only created questions and doubts. Doubts of whether the effort is worth it. Questions of purpose and destiny. Wondering if any of this was leading to anything else.

I should add here that I don’t regret anything. Every decision – good and bad – has taught me something about myself and life in general. What I’ve realized, though, is that despite having “learned” those lessons, I’ve put very few of them in practice.

As a result, my life has become one gigantic routine.

There is safety in routine. Comfort in routine. But there’s also complacency in routine, and that’s where I almost fell. By January of this year, I became complacent, doing as little as possible but expecting the most in return. I was on the verge of my worst nightmare: mediocrity.

To combat this, I was forced to take action. I had to take extreme actions with my finances. I took chances with career opportunities (thanks to advice from friends). I’m trying to be as proactive in my own life as possible, rather than being a passive victim to whom life just “happens.”

Does this mean I’ve got everything under control? Oh, dear God, no. (Ask me how long it’s been since I’ve worked out. Go ahead. Ask me.) But the point is, I’m trying. I’m doing SOMETHING. I spent so much time making excuses, but I have nothing to show for all the excuses I’ve used. So, over the last several months, a couple of things happened to me. I felt a few jolts that forced me to refocus. And now here I am.

I want to draw your attention to something, though. “Forced” is one of the key words in this entry. In order to escape complacency, someone or something has to force you out of it. You ain’t gettin’ out of a situation just because you feel like it. If that’s the case, you weren’t complacent in the first place. Life has to happen. Debts have to accumulate. Health issues have to scare you. People have to threaten you. Something has to happen to jolt LIFE back into you.

If you want a life of excellence but you’ve fallen into complacency or are on the verge of mediocrity, beware of the coming jolt. It will change EVERYTHING.

And on we go…

Malala and the Future of the World

I interrupt this summer hiatus to bring you an update on my newest heroine: Malala Yousafzai.

Today is Malala’s 16^th birthday, and in honor of her birthday, the UN has declared this “Malala Day.”  Why does this matter? Because Malala isn’t supposed to be here.  Malala was supposed to die 9 months ago, when she was attacked by Pakistani Taliban members who hated that a girl was publicly promoting the education of all girls.

He shot her in the head in an effort to stop a voice. Instead, Malala survived and became stronger. And the world stood with her and created a global movement.

This movement has been focused on global education, specifically the education of women.

Right now, there are 57 million children around the world who are not going to school.  FIFTY SEVEN MILLION people who make up the world’s next generation of leaders and workers don’t have access to an education.

Over half of those 57 million children are girls. Statistics show that when women are educated, the infant and maternal mortality rates are lower. Economies benefit from women who are educated and work as skilled workers, rather than the unskilled, lower-paying jobs they are usually forced to take. Educated women have healthier children who are more likely to go to school.

So how do you think that world is going to look when these 57 million uneducated people take over the leadership of the world?

You see? What happens over there matters over here. If you want to save the world, then you must save the women and children.

Education is freedom. It is enlightenment. It is progress. And the future of the world depends on it.

Happy birthday, Malala. Thank you for being so brave. May we all follow your lead.

And on we go…

Every Moment Counts

I’ve been angry for the last few weeks.  Really angry. Angry about my life.  Angry about other people’s lives.  Just plain angry. And my anger has been primarily directed at God.

My anger has seeped into the every aspect of my life.  My words have reflected it.  My attitude has been a result of it.

And it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere.

But yesterday, I watched Oprah Winfrey interview two of the world’s greatest teachers: Dr. Maya Angelou and Elie Wiesel.  In both conversations, there were multiple lessons, each one slapping me in the face and reminding me of who I am, who God is, and what the two of us are or should be doing.

Here’s some ugly vicious truth for you and I to swallow: as hard as we may try, we are NOT in control of our lives.  And regardless of what our moms told us, we are NOT God’s gift to the world.  In fact, our lives can be summarized like this:  We’re born. We live. We die.

Very little is in our control.  We can’t decide into which family we’re born and what our childhood lives will be like.  We don’t always choose our circumstances, and we certainly can’t predict what life will do to us.  And to make matters really irksome, one of the perks of being God is that He doesn’t have to explain ANYTHING to ANYBODY, least of all me.

You see why I’ve been angry?

But as I was reminded yesterday, there is one very powerful gift that we have and use every single day of our lives:  choice.  Life can do whatever it wants to us, but here’s the kicker: we get to choose how we respond to life.

It’s on us to determine our perspective and remember the big picture. So when facing failure or disappointment, Dr. Angelou says to be filled with gratitude.  Be thankful for what you have and the better moments to come.  And while you’re grateful, remember what Mr. Wiesel says, “Every moment counts. Every second matters.”

Why? Because this moment – this second – is all we’re sure of.  It’s all we’ve got.  Death comes like a thief in the night.  There’s no warning.  You don’t get a letter in advance.  It happens when it happens.  But before it does, I have a responsibility to make choices to live my best life.

Do me a favor.  I know you’re breathing as you read this (hopefully, not so deeply that you’re asleep) but take a moment to consider your breath.  Take a deep breath in.  Now exhale.  That breath you just took?  It’s a gift.  A miracle.  A week day minute ago, you couldn’t guarantee that you would be around to read this blog and take that breath.  Neither could I.  Your life and all of its moments are PRECIOUS.  So make them mean something.  Give them purpose.  Make them count.

So, I’m going to stop being angry at God.  Like the song says, “You take the good. You take the bad. You take them both, and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life.”  And it’s a fact that on some days, life will really suck.  But even on those days, I’ll give myself a moment, take a breath, and be grateful for the chance to find a rainbow in the cloud.

As I end this entry, I have to give a shout out to the woman who was cursed to be my sister, forcing her to put up with my lunacy and all-around madness.  She keeps me grounded and lifts my spirits and makes the world a better place.  Though I didn’t realize it until many years later, her arrival 30 years ago today was one of the greatest blessings I could ever ask for and far more than what I could ever deserve.  She’s not just a sister by blood – she’s my sister-friend.

Happy Birthday, Suji!!

And on we go…

Where was God?

We are all aware of the tragic events in Boston. A celebratory day, ending in violence and death. These are things that our country world is all too familiar with.

As every time before, we’re left asking the same unanswerable questions. Why did this happen? How does this accomplish anything? How do we stop this?

And in the midst of the chaos and confusion – the death and the destruction – there is one loud, powerful question that the unbelievers ask out loud and the believers wonder to themselves: “Where was God??”

Great question.

I mean, if this God was so gracious and merciful, why would He allow evil to attack, wound, and kill innocent people, while the perpetrators walked away? Why would He allow an innocent security officer die while standing guard over a university? Why would He allow an entire city to shut down, paralyzed by fear, while officers and agents searched for a 19-year-old kid? If God was truly omniscient and omnipresent, why would He allow ANY of these things to unfold?

Where was God?

I asked this same question after 9/11. And it was until six months later that I learned a powerful lesson.

In 2002, three filmmakers released a documentary entitled “9/11.” Originally, the film was supposed to follow one particular firefighter and his experiences on the job. On the morning of September 11, 2001, this firefighter and his brothers were called to investigate a gas leak. While they were at the scene, a plane flew overhead, strangely close and very loud. This plane was the first to hit the World Trade Center.

These men, screaming in disbelief, IMMEDIATELY went to the WTC, knowing that there were people who were in danger.

Here they were, trying to address a gas leak, when suddenly all hell breaks loose, and they ran TO the disaster, not from it.

And that’s where I saw God.

Hear me, dear ones. God has created us with free will, and the problem with free will is that we can CHOOSE what we want to do and what kind of people we want to be. And as every parent, teacher, preacher, counselor, priest, and guru will tell you, people can make some really bad choices. It’s not that God allows evil – He just allows us to make the choice between good and evil. So when people choose to be and do evil….well…evil wins for a moment.

But only for a moment.

If you’ve seen video footage of the bomb blasts in Boston, you will see people running towards the stands, trying to help others. Consider the man whose picture graces this entry.  Carlos Arrendondo had two sons – one who was killed in Iraq and another who committed suicide after falling into a depression after his brother’s death. Arrendondo’s life has been filled with grief that no parent ever wants, so much so that he himself once tried to kill himself. He was at the marathon on Monday, cheering for a friend who was running in honor of Carlos’s son. And then the bomb went off. And Carlos, going entirely on adrenaline and instinct, ran towards the grandstands and helped whomever he could find. The moment Carlos ran towards the victims, good defeated evil.

When marathon runners ran from the finish line to the hospital to donate blood, good defeated evil. When hospital workers and police officers came running to help, good defeated evil. Want to read more? Look at this article from the Washington Post  And the article from the Atlantic Monthly.

Spoiler alert for those who think terrorist behavior or criminal acts will accomplish something great: evil may have the lead for a moment, but good will ALWAYS win the day. And if you learn anything from today’s entry, may it be this: where there is good, there is love. And where there is love, there is GOD.

When you see the good in people and when you feel the love from people, God is there. The circumstances don’t always make sense. The events may be unfair and tragic. We may not understand why such things happen. But God is always there. Just look for the love.

Here’s some theological truth for you to consider as I send you on your way: love cannot exist without God. Why? Because GOD IS LOVE.

So on that note, we’re sending love to you, Boston, and to everyone who suffers from the hand of evil. May you encounter more good and God in the days to come.

And on we go…

No Pain, No Gain

Six months ago, I publicly declared that my birthday gift to myself would be to achieve excellence in all aspects of my life.

Last week, I publicly declared that I had fallen short of that goal already, but I was going to press on anyway.

In the week that has passed, I have seen in multiple ways how people try to achieve excellence in their own lives. And it’s been eye-opening to say the least. More often than hearing stories of hard work and sacrifice, I heard story after story and witnessed moment after moment of people doing the least to achieve the most.

Surely, you’re familiar with this concept. It’s when someone tries to get the most while giving the least. It’s coasting on mediocrity to while trying to achieve greatness. Or as I described it to my mom and sister: It’s “excellence without the effort.”

It’s the world in which we live, isn’t it? Everything is simple and instantaneous. It’s easy and convenient.

It’s also robbing us of our commitment, our work ethic, and our drive.

Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate the modern conveniences we have now. What I don’t appreciate is how we’ve let an easy and instantaneous world convince us that EVERYTHING is easy and instantaneous. Let me explain.

Two weeks ago, one of my students – a freshman – approached me in my office, concerned about his grade. He said that he thought he did well on the exams but he clearly was not. So I suggested that he come back to my office but, this time, with his notes, so we could discuss note-taking and study strategies. He agreed, but he didn’t come back. And I knew why he didn’t come back. He is one of those students who refuses to take notes, despite the fact that I’ve told him and his classmates that if you want to be successful, you have to take notes. During the next class, he had a notebook and pen in front of him, but during the entirety of the 50-minute lecture, never once did he take notes.

He wants the grade but doesn’t want to study for it. I wanted to judge him and get angry (and I always do), but I realized this week that I, too, am guilty of such behavior. Who among us hasn’t looked for shortcuts? Whether it’s with our bodies or for our jobs, we’ve all tried to get more while paying less.

Life doesn’t work that way, though.

 It doesn’t matter how fast and simple the world around us becomes. If you want to achieve something, you’ve got to work for it. Why? Because the process matters. The process of education…the process of losing weight…the process of gaining work experience – these things shape you to be a better person and prepare you for the future. You’ll know more when you do more.

The old saying still rings true. “No pain, no gain.” If you’re not sacrificing something, then you’re accomplishing nothing.

And on we go…

Time to Reset

January. It’s the month that comes with a reset button. You create resolutions to change your life, and you start all over again.

But January is long gone.

That’s right, gang. We blinked, and now it’s April. The momentum with which I began this year has slowed to a snail-like pace, and my “I’m-going-to-change-the world” attitude has morphed into a “Hey-kids-get-off-my-lawn” grumpiness.

I’ve spent the past few days reflecting on how far I’ve fallen since I began my year with such high hopes. Life happened, there were bad days, and then my attitude fell apart.

It’s amazing what life and time can do to one’s resolutions.

I wallowed in the disappointment and frustration of falling short. But it suddenly dawned on me that, in all truth, January is no different from June or August or December. It’s just another month filled with moments and opportunities. In the middle of it all, life still happens, complete with good and bad days. These are all factors that I cannot control.

However, there is one very important thing I can control: my attitude.

Culture and society have convinced us that because January is the first month of the year, it is the month for change and resolution. What we’ve forgotten, though, is that change and resolution can happen ANY time of the year. January doesn’t determine whether my life gets better. I DO.

As the old saying goes, “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

Indeed.

It turns out that it doesn’t matter that it’s not New Year’s Day. To prove my point, I’ve decided that I’m pressing my life’s reset button today, April 7^th. It may be the most random day to start over, but I’ve decided that my life and my happiness are worth the rededicated effort. And so is yours.

So don’t be discouraged if this year looks like all the others before. You have permission to start all over. The best is yet to come…even if you have to try again.

And on we go…

The Sad Case of Beyonce

In her latest song, the self-proclaimed “#1 Diva in This Game” now wants us to bow down because she’s convinced that we don’t worship and admire her enough already.

Keep in mind that this is after the fact that the first two months of this year have been all about her. There was her performance at the Super Bowl and her documentary (which was much ado about nothing)…and all of the non-stop hype surrounding both. Still, she seems convinced that we don’t recognize how talented and amazing she is. “I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world,” she…yells.

Actually, no, I didn’t, Beyonce. Sorry.

The real tragedy here is not that Beyonce wants us to bow down. It’s that even with the fame and money and power, Beyonce has a major insecurity problem.

Yes, I know she writes that she’s “so crowned,” which she may be, but “don’t get it twisted,” this is a woman who is worried about her image and how we react to it. And it is yet another reminder that fame and money can only do so much for one’s ego.

But there’s another problem with this song. Beyonce is seeking the praises and admiration of people, as if she is entitled to have it for the rest of her life and beyond. But what we all need to remember is that people are fickle and fake. And at the end of the day, their praises mean very little. Remember, the crowds shouted, “Hosanna!” as Jesus entered Jerusalem. Five whole days later, they yelled, “Crucify Him!” The praises of people mean exactly jack squat.

If you’re as amazing as I know you are, then don’t worry about the credit you get or what people have to say. When they ‘bow down,’ acknowledge them but don’t be hypnotized by them. Be you and be done with it.

(That’s for you, too, Beyonce, in the way off chance you’re reading this.)

And on we go…